One Thing the Beer Community Must Not Let Happen

Beer, they say, is the drink of the "everyman" – easy, accessible, unpretentious. Wine, on the other hand? That's the domain of the upper crust, the pinky-raisers, the people who take their drink way too seriously and have the vocabulary to prove it. For confirmation, wine-culture haters point to the excessively – and often comically – verbose wine review, wherein the supertasting wine critic cites obscure flavor after obscure flavor, some of which most people never realized counted as "flavors" at all. "Objects found in a forest or tannery," perhaps, but often not the first (or fifth or tenth) thing popping to mind when a sensation flashes past the taste buds.

Take the following example, seen recently hanging on a shelf at a local wine shop/bar:

This example is fairly representative – which is to say, not exceptionally egregious, comparatively speaking. And yet, note the clever assortment of metaphorical adjectives and gratuitously specific descriptors like "bittersweet cocoa" and "Turkish coffee notes."

Besides simply sounding snooty and over-the-top, there's evidence that wine reviews like this may, in fact, be packed with as much B.S. as substance. Behold this fine article from the Wall Street Journal, which cites research data suggesting, among other things, that wine tasters a) probably can't actually detect as many simultaneous flavors as they let on; and b) disagree with other tasters, and themselves, at an alarmingly frequent rate.

So what's this got to do with beer?

As brewers and beer lovers become more serious (no problem in and of itself) about creating, evaluating and promoting quality beer, we see more and more wine-style (for lack of a better term) descriptions and rating methods entering the picture.

This isn't a bad thing per se, but caution must be exercised lest beer find itself in that unenviable position wine now occupies: stuffy, buttoned-up, dour and dubious.

Let's all help accord craft beer the status and accolades it deserves, but always remembering that beers should first and foremost be casual, approachable, authentic and fun.

Hounds Unleashed in Defense of BrewDog

The beer world has been mildly abuzz for the past day over British beer writer Roger Protz's scathing criticism of a new beer coming out of Scotland that claims to be the world's strongest. Tactical Nuclear Penguin, from BrewDog Ltd in Fraserburgh, is an iced Imperial Stout that purports to have reset the bar at a whopping 32% ABV. In his blog piece, posted yesterday, Protz calls out BrewDog for "their over-inflated egos and naked ambition" and says that, at any rate, TNP doesn't actually count as beer because brewer's yeast tends to poop out at around 14% alcohol.

As might be expected, the comments section practically caught fire as the brewerati swept in to BrewDog's defense (some going more gentle on Protz than others in the process). Twitterers weighed in as well.

Today, Protz responded on his blog, admitting he may have been a wee bit hasty and careless in some of his prior comments, though this allowance didn't come until after Protz had reminded readers of his credentials and wondered aloud about those of his critics. Protz's followup, as much a call for civility as anything, also did not answer questions about why he seemed to take such issue with the basic notion of a high-alcohol beer (especially when it pushes no boundaries of beverage-alcohol strength in general).

As of now, an open question still remains: Why is it a foregone conclusion that TNP is "not beer at all," as Protz asserted? Certainly this is not the first beer to concentrate its strength via freezing, nor would it have been the first to incorporate a wine or champagne yeast if it had done so (there's no indication this is the case, but Protz originally suggested it was and seems to exclude such concoctions from his definition of beer). Plenty of beer aficionados – probably even plenty of beer writers as tenured as the distinguished Mr. Protz – would prefer to fixate on the source of the fermentables (here, grain) as being the chief criterion for what constitutes beer.

If nothing else, this is a huge boon for BrewDog as they will benefit from the added (free) publicity. But it's also a healthy debate to be having – one about traditional versus experimental; sessionable versus sippable; old guard versus new guard; and who gets to make the rules versus who should bother playing by them.

How Low Can They Go?

If you're lucky enough to live in Chicago, Dallas, San Diego or one of 12 other special places, you've no doubt been on a heavy Bud Select 55 binge ever since the new low-calorie brew was dropped in select test markets earlier this month.

Spurred by the apparent success of MGD 64, the new figure-watcher from MillerCoors, Anheuser-Busch InBev has upped (lowered?) the ante with an ultra-light beer of its own, prompting the usual ripples of discontent to spread throughout the beer-appreciating world.

The Internet has not been quiet on this one. Drink Update said of the announcement, "How depressing ... Does this mean we can stop calling it beer?" Advertising Age called ABIB's restraint in opting against two additional "55" variations "an apparent gift to beer drinkers everywhere."

"I mean, where does it stop?" Ad Age's Jeremy Mullman lamented.

Above: It could have been worse. (Via Ad Age)

"Light Beer Arms Race Gets Absurd," declared the Washington City Paper. "At some point, you've just got to call it water."

But perhaps my favorite remark is this exasperated plea from the blog Seattle Beer News: "Just stop it."

What many observers have rightly pointed out, beyond the obvious questions over just how much flavor beers with such absurdly low alcohol contents can have (the answer: not very much at all), is the fact that there is one critical component that makes beer beer, and there's simply no getting around the calories it contributes: alcohol.

No surprise, then, that as the calorie wars escalate, alcohol contents must necessarily decline. MDG 64, practically kiddie strength at 2.8% alcohol by volume, is no match for Bud Select 55's 2.4%. That's no typo – even if you doubled Select 55's booze quotient, it'd still fall somewhere between the already-light Bud Light and its plenty-light-as-it-is big sibling, Budweiser. Wow.

At this point it becomes worth asking just how wise it is to pay regular-strength-beer prices for a product that is – there's no other way to describe it – literally watered down. You could buy regular Bud, cut it half-and-half with seltzer water, and basically wind up with Bud Select 55 for half the price. No joke. Or, you could drink half as many regular beers with water alternated in between. Or you could recognize that beer contains calories; try eating well and exercising as proper antidotes.

News and Some Beer Videos

Sad News For At Least One Ignorant Alabama Politician

Background: You are about to hear Alabama state Rep. Alvin Holmes' carefully-considered objection to legislation that would raise the state's alcohol cap on beer from 6 percent by volume to a much more reasonable (though still arbitrary) 13.9. Mr. Holmes, you have the floor:

Unfortunately for Mr. Holmes and ignoramuses everywhere (or at least, in Alabama), HB373 passed the full body earlier this month and was signed into law by Gov. Bob Riley on May 22. If it's true that West Virginia Gov. Joe Manchin recently signed a measure bumping his state's 6 percent ABV limit up to around 12, that would leave only Mississippi as having such an obscenely low ABV limit on beer. Congratulations, Mississippi.

On Budweiser's Famous Daily Quality-Control Tastings

By way of Brookstone Beer Bulletin. Check out the related post for some enlightening inside info on these all-important critiques.

I Am A Craft Brewer

That's the name of this feisty video that Stone's Greg Koch used during his keynote address at last month's Craft Brewers Conference. The video, rather well-done, I'll note, features cameos from many of the industry's brightest stars. Sure, it may smack just a bit of self-congratulation, but most craft beer lovers will eat it up. And why shouldn't they – there's some powerful truth being spoken here. Beer-geek bonus challenge: How many brewers can you ID?

Looks like Koch, or someone, has put together a little Web site for posterity. Again, credit goes to Brookstone Beer Bulletin for bringing this to my attention.

I'm Guessing this Isn't an Old Dominion Oak Barrel Stout

It's light and yellow and probably cost $12, but here's something for all beer drinkers to feel good about: President Barack Obama sipping some suds at last night's Wizards-Bulls game. (Note the total disregard for the fragile impressionability of the youngster seated next to him.)

(Photo from Deadspin)

Does Verizon Center sell local beers anyway? I don't know; last time I was there I had taken care of my drinking beforehand. And if my opening comment seemed snarky, I hope no one will think me a hypocrite – last night I enjoyed quite a helping of Natty Light, always cheap and plentiful at Uncle Louie's, one of my favorite little joints in town.

But even if Fordham or Wild Goose were on offer, maybe Obama would have passed them up in favor of something a little more basic – he's pulled something like that before (5th graf) and apparently he's wary of craft beers (7th graf). On the other hand, he tried (and failed) to get beer from a Chicago brewpub for the inauguration and visited Bethlehem Brew Works before the Pennsylvania primary. (But did he actually enjoy the beer? This face says maybe not.)

One last thought: Considering the beatdown Obama's Bulls took, he could have used a beer or two anyway. Would've been a shame to suffer through that without any liquid consolation.

R.I.P. Bill Brand, Bay Area Beer Writer

Happened Friday. Here's the Oakland Tribune's story.

Christmas Beers on NPR

What's so great about the holidays? Two things jump to the front of the mind: relaxation and overindulgence. And what better way to engage in both than by piling up the food and popping open a bottle or several of some special brew?

Brewers the world over respond this time of year by releasing their own unique holiday offerings – often rich and hearty with winter's chill in mind, and many spiced in that Christmas-y way. Joe "Sixpack" Russell identified 10 such seasonal releases, and NPR took note.

I myself have a bottle of Chimay Grande Réserve (not a holiday beer but always a special treat) chilling in anticipation of Christmas dinner.

Economics vs. Tradition, As Usual

I have to thank on-top-of-it beer writer Lew Bryson for this scoop: Heineken NV will be closing its Beamish & Crawford brewery early next year.

Those who enjoy a Beamish now and then (and those, like me, who think it and Murphy's occupy the top two slots among the Dry Irish Stout Big Three) will be heartened to know that the Beamish brand won't be dying off – just that production will move to another Irish brewery of Heineken's (in Cork, like Beamish & Crawford) where, by the way, Murphy's is produced. How's that for consolidation?

More on this.

Beer Sales Down in British Pubs

Not good news.

What, oh what, is the world coming to??

This Bud's Pour Vous

It's a done deal. American brewing giant Anheuser-Busch will be sold to Belgian brewing giant InBev for $52 billion. Ka-ching.

Details here.

MillerCoors is Up and Running

MillerCoors, the combined U.S. effort of Molson Coors and SABMiller, has begun operations as of this month.

Here's a press release.

The merger effectively leaves the U.S. with two major brewing behemoths. (The other, of course, being you-know-who.) It's funny – at a time when The Big Boys are seeing their sales drop while imports and craft beers continue to grow, the answer is to consolidate, consolidate, consolidate. (Actually, under that framework, InBev's proposed buyout of A-B is, somehow, both typical and ironic at the same time.)

The big brewers' insistence on More of the Same in the face of shifting consumer preferences is the industry's way of battening the hatches, digging in the heels. Too often the "solutions" these guys come up with – merge distribution channels to increase efficiency and create greater economies of scale; ramp up marketing efforts on behalf of core brands – betray either a tremendous ignorance of the real reasons behind BMC-types' struggles, or an astonishingly dismissive posture toward that reality, or both. Here's what it boils down to: If consumers are increasingly reaching for higher-end, more flavorful, and – saints alive! – pricier brews, the big guys' answer is always (a) find ways to streamline distribution (to what end – improve upon nearly 100 percent market saturation?) and (b) find a way to "reinvigorate" the marketing apparatuses behind brands that already are what they are thanks to years of very effective navigation of the highly competitive world of beer marketing.

And all this will ultimately serve the consumer how? Or respond to changes in the industry (really, changes in consumer tastes) how? Or, in MillerCoors' own words, "build the best portfolio of beer brands in the business" how?

In this last case, I hate to rain on Pete Coors' corporate flimflammery parade with a rational line of thought, but I fail to see how one gigantic macro-lager brewer whose portfolio consists largely of giant macro-lagers merging with another gigantic macro-lager brewer whose portfolio also consists of giant macro-lagers will represent a progression toward "the best portfolio of beer brands in the business." The most homogeneous, perhaps.

Oh, well. Let MillerCoors do what they want. I suspect they'll find this marriage, though unlikely to end in disaster, will not bear the fruit promised by their fanciful mission statement. But it's also unlikely that beer industry executives will stop viewing this kind of move as anything but another in the long line of highly successful maneuvers that have seen 80 percent of U.S. beer market share now consolidated in the hands of two players. It is, on some level – a very significant one, in fact – hard to argue with that kind of success.

It may be tempting to compare this mergers-and-acquisitions game to rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic, but to do so would be exaggerating these companies' challenges, and clichéd, besides. A percentage slip here and there might be millions of dollars off the balance sheet, but there's plenty of space between today's stock price and rock bottom. The icebergs are small and negotiable yet.

High Time They Leave the Little Guy Alone

A brewer in tiny Weed, Calif., is facing trouble from Federal regulators who object to the pot-inspired pun on his bottle caps.

"Try Legal Weed," encourage the brews from Mt. Shasta Brewing Co.

But the g-men have told Mt. Shasta owner Vaune Dillmann the drug reference and "false and misleading" nature of the message have to go, lest he face steep consequences.

Puh-leaze.

OK, I know all about alcohol and special regulations and police powers and all that, but has anyone bothered to find out what the Federal Trade Commission has to say? They're the ones who have set well-defined standards for what constitutes misleading product promotion.

The Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau claims consumers will be duped into thinking the beer actually has real ganja in it. First off, fat chance. I'd venture so far as to say 99.99 percent of Americans know pot is illegal. Thus, "legal weed" means nothing. And surely, as would suppose any right-thinking person (that is, not someone employed by the ATTTB), a sixer sitting right out in the open on a store shelf couldn't possibly have real, honest-to-god dope in it.

But fine, let's suppose someone actually sees this beer and thinks an illicit trip down mary jane lane is only a few sips away. Why should the ATTTB or anyone else care if folks are mislead into buying what they had every reason to believe to be an illegal substance, bottle caps notwithstanding? If I peddled oregano on promise of it being whacky tobbaccy, would I have consumer advocates and the FTC to answer to?

Many of the townsfolk and local politicians have voiced their support of Dillmann. Here's hoping those overzealous bureaucrats come the f around.

And I Bet He Was Given a Lecture on the Dangers of Handling Alcohol

Eighth-grader goes to archeology site in San Antonio, sees old recently discovered bottle, posits it to contain 100-year-old beer. Scientists say they plan to analyze the contents soon to test the kid's theory.

Massive Deal Brewing?

Two of the world's biggest beer companies could be joining forces.

Belgium's InBev is considering making an offer to acquire U.S.-based Anheuser-Busch, The Wall Street Journal says. The price tag could be in the neighborhood of $46 billion.

It's certainly no done deal, not least of all because the Busch family are considered reluctant to sell.

While ordinarily consolidation, which has continued to sweep through the brewing industry of late, can often mean wider availability of certain brands and better prices for consumers, in this case it's hard to figure the ultimate impact of an InBev-Anheuser-Busch deal as far as Budweiser fans are concerned. A-B products are already the most widely distributed in the nation and, thanks to the company's numerous regional breweries and enormous economies of scale, Budweiser et al. are among a frugal drinker's best friends.

Yet on the other side of the equation, an alliance could strengthen the availability of imported InBev brands like Hoegaarden and Leffe.

It is often, after all, the tenacity of distributors that has as much to do with the breadth of a given market's offerings as does consumer demand. By plugging all of its products into the vast -- and aggressive -- Anheuser-Busch distribution network, some of InBev's higher-quality offerings could find new audiences. And that wouldn't be such a bad thing.

Craft Beer on NPR

Beer, brewing, and homebrew were the topics of yesterday's Science Friday on NPR.

Check it out.

Beer Snobs Get Mainstream Treatment

Apparently, the way many beer connoisseurs feel about cheap macro-lagers is now well documented enough to merit use as an analogy in political reporting. And in the lead paragraph, no less.

Yesterday, Time magazine's Peter Beinart had this to say in his piece "What Obama Owes the Clintons":

"Obama's backers generally feel about the Clintons the way ... beer aficionados feel about Bud Light: that by compromising core principles, they watered down the brand."

How about that?

Of course, whether Beinart's mention of beer enthusiasts was meant to highlight our discernment or our reflexive and holier-than-thou posture toward "the other side" -- or neither -- is anyone's guess.

Can You Dig It?

The humble beer can continues to receive a classy makeover. Specifically in the form of labels for high-end beers.

New Belgium Brewing Company of Fort Collins, Colo., has become the latest -- and largest -- entry on a growing roster of craft brewers who have turned to the until-recently pedestrian aluminum can as a packaging option.

While traditionally, cans have not exactly been associated with high-brow, full-flavored beer, things began to trend in the other direction when Colorado's Oskar Blues in 2002 eschewed the bottle as its container of choice. Several other U.S. and Canadian microbreweries have since followed suit.

Proponents say cans are lighter, easier to transport, easier to recycle, and can go places bottles can't -- beaches, rivers, parks, for example.

As more and more beer drinkers warm to the idea of craft brew in a can, it may well be that side-by-side price comparisons of bottled vs. canned versions of the same beer (in this case, New Belgium's Fat Tire, for example) could make any buying decision less about bias and/or practicality and more about economics.

Eternally a Fan

Oh, the temptation to overdo it with death puns is almost too much to resist. You might say it's killing me.

A Chicago man has special ordered a coffin decorated to look like a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon, his favorite beer.

It's nice to see someone bring a little levity to what is normally a grave subject.

Ka-zing!

Finally, Some Good News

Growers in the Pacific Northwest have responded to The Great Hop Shortage by pulling out non-hop acreage to expand hop production.

The result could be as many as 8,000 new acres in the Northwest, a 25 percent increase over last year.

Hop plants typically take 2-3 years to reach meaningful levels of productivity, so it's likely brewers will continue to grapple with high prices and low supplies for a couple more years.

On the Rights of Boozers, V. 2.0

Last week, I discussed the need to continue the progress begun by Columbians in voting to allow Sunday beer and wine sales.

Here's a slightly -- slightly -- tweaked version of that dictum, which ran as an editorial in today's The State newspaper:

http://www.thestate.com/editorial-columns/story/372504.html